This work remains officially unwritten and will self-destruct in 36 minutes if it appears in a written electronic or paper format, so memorize and destroy. Anyone found with a copy of this work is liable to be tried for treasonable felony, attempt to destabilize the peace of the state, etc.
We the people of the federal republic of Airegin do hereby meekly affirm and adopt, through coercion and subtle economic pressure, the 1st amendment of the work heretofore called the unwritten-daft (sorry) draft constitution passed to us by the khaki boys, with the following resolutions-
a. The Republic of Airegin
Airegin is a federated democratic republic founded on the respect for Human rights and the advancement of those who break them. Its tenets are hinged basically on the same old Napoleonic principle that ‘All animals are equal…’
Airegin is bound on the West by O’odua, on the East by Biafran Massob or is it Ipob now and on the North by Arewa’s Boko Haram and the Sahara desert, and on the South by Niger Delta and the Atlantic Ocean, with the center being Lokoja.
But the powers that be claim it is Abuja, who are we to question them? Heaven and Hell bind us above and below respectively, and we have sovereignly decided to stay closer to the ground…the devil you know…
Airegin is a republic governed by His Highnessness, the President who in his regal pomposity still backwardly lives in the rock.
The republic is neutral, non-aligned and equidistant. Between the USA and China it will always side with Middle East.
God, when the President wills and permits, is Supreme.
b. Declaration of Principles
No one shall be allowed to break the law, before he wears the badge.
Honesty is abolished. It is unpopular not to be dishonest and fashionable to be.
Criminal immunity is abolished, but friendship with the regime never harmed anyone.
The governors’ immunity from criminal proceedings was a scandal. It has therefore been transferred to party thugs.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, six feet underground.
Corruption shall be abolished if the bribe is high enough.
Corruption is a crime and exposing it is even worse still.
Goodness is its own reward but corruption pays higher dividend.
Promotion is servility tempered by incompetence.
c. Human rights
15.1-Every citizen of the banana republic has the same right under the law, and will be treated as such without any fear, favor or manipulation of justice, if the need does not arise.
15.2-The constitution will respect the rights of the individual, young or old, as entrenched in the United Nations Declaration of Rights charter of which Airegin is a signatory.
This includes a right to shelter, food, clothing, free speech, association, etc. Though each citizen is expected to defend his or her rights, whether he can or not, in the event of his not being able to, he is deemed to have forfeited same.
15.3-Unfortunately, some are more equal than the others
You have heard of free education, shelter, drinking water, etc for all by the year 2000, well common sense will tell you that we have passed the year 2000, so you don’t deserve such rights any longer. The constitution still operates under the precept that ‘telephone is not for the poor’ so if you are not a multi-millionaire don’t bother looking up to the law to protect your interest because it is busy taking care of the interest of the sacred cows of the society and yours might turn out to be a distraction.
The state guarantees to every citizen the right to freedom. What is not prohibited is compulsory.
Any person who is arrested or detained shall be entitled to choose the torture by which he shall admit his guilt.
The right to remain silent is sacred. So is the right to be hospitalized after exercising it.
Forced labor is a breach of human rights, to which forced unemployment is the remedy.
Public property belongs to the state. Private property belongs to the ‘regime’.
Secrecy of correspondence is guaranteed. Not more than 10 persons are allowed to see what is inside the mail before it is delivered.
It was reliably heard on the internet, telephone and e-mail tapping network that telephone tapping does not exist and is illegal.
Business is free. All that is required is a permit, and a license to obtain the permit.
No person shall use violence on the opposition. The penalty is instant promotion.
Discrimination on the grounds of political opinion is prohibited. Exceptions are absolutely forbidden and reserved to those in power.
Airegin expects every man to do his duty and every woman to do the housework
Democracy requires that if you got more votes than the opposition, you govern. If you got less, you unseat it.
Gerrymandering is that democratic device by which a decrease in votes corresponds to an increase in arrogance.
If you get more than 50% of the votes, you stay in power. That is democracy. If you get less than 50%, you stay in power. That is mathematics.
Elections shall be held every 4 years to ascertain that the party shall remain in power democratically, whatever the results.
If you get many votes, you are popular. If you don’t get any, you are the President.
The police are responsible for law and order. Law and order make no such claim on the police.
It is not in the interest of the people to know what is in the interest of the people.
With the support of 66% of the electorate, you can amend the constitution. Without it, you can trample on it.
Judges shall enjoy complete independence and security of office. They may only be suspended from their functions if the President does not share their point of view.
To serve repression, injustice should not only be done but should manifestly seen to be done.
A judge reaches perfection if he does not allow law to deteriorate into justice.
No judge who always agrees with the government shall suffer any interference with his independence.
Broadcasting shall be fair and impartial and anyone complying shall be instantly prosecuted.
All shades of political opinion that flatter the government shall have equal access to broadcasting.
Fairness shall not go unpunished.
The state reserves the right to share or distribute the ‘wealth of the Nation’ or its equivalent amongst the loyal Capitalist entrepreneurs that have access to the Presidents ear, in the spirit of privatization and commercialization. Also, this is to further increase the number of Multi- National Corporations in the country and to inject foreign exchange into the system?
Please pay your tax promptly so the tax payers’ money can be seen in action everywhere we turn. That convoy of Hummer jeeps driving by with sirens and escorts, the new mansion springing up at the side of the street. These are not stolen money o!
Ghana-must-go bag is a legal tender in Airegin. Not to have received or own one is deemed an act of the citizens extreme unpatriotic stance. The option of self exile or prosecution awaits offenders.
The regime must be seen to be constantly attempting to borrow more to ‘service’ our debts, even if it keeps our generations unborn in perpetual shackles. Our external reserves must be seen to have increased and can stand as the regimes only accomplishment in 7years of rule.
Henceforth any borrowed Harvard ‘expatriate’ who in anyway or the other works in the government to ‘turn the economy around’ shall be paid in dollars, while their counterparts who bought their certificates from any of the Airegin Universities shall be paid in local currencies.
The witticisms and satire aside what they gave us is a daft / unwritten arrangement with the unfortunate appellation of a constitution. They have done the first amendment and are looking forward to the second amendment, without as much as a request of an input from us. The ‘they’ here refers to and includes all the political and pseudo-political arrangements or contraptions that have maneuvered themselves into appendages of the Lawmakers, Judiciary and Executive
Nigerian is undoubtedly one of the most blessed nations of the world with potentials of a super power:
– Over 150 million people: greatness in numbers, human resources / labor and a large market.
– Large land mass for agricultural output to feed the world.
– Access to the sea for trade and transport, large beach fronts for tourism and leisure.
– Transportation network by land (road and rail) water ways and air.
– The eight largest oil deposit in the world.
– The sixth largest gas deposit in the world
– Sixty four exportable mineral deposits
– Thirty four exportable commodities
– Over 250 Ethnic groups, 460 languages with a diverse cultural heritage.
– Assorted flora and fauna in the diverse vegetation
– A people with an enterprising spirit, wherever they find themselves.
– Sustained unity in the face of prolonged injustices, bad governance and exploitation.
– Fastest GSM growth rate in the world (over 70 million subscribers in 10 years).
Nigeria is one of the most importance nations in Sub-Saharan Africa, a member of the UN Security Council, a global oil producer, a leader in ECOWAS, a major peace keeping contributing country and a stabilizing force in West Africa.
If this is not a good enough profile for a country to die for we wonder what is because men have died for countries that had little or nothing to boast of.
One in every four blacks in the world is a Nigerian and we are not lacking in creativity, but only in good governance. We intend to maximize our strength, recreate our destiny with our head and be in charge of our future.
- What parts of the unwritten constitution needs to be written?
- What needs to be amended?
- What is not found in the constitution and needs be there because it affects you?
- Do you consider this witty constitution jolting enough to make you put on your thinking cap?
- Remember, it begins with you! The Egypt revolt began with one man, same with almost every event that shook the world, one man dared to take a stand.
Let’s start our Sovereign National Conference (SNC) today, an online constitution amendment……. for the betterment of this Nation. All you need do is fill out the part of the constitution that is dear to you, as many parts as you deem fit. Be the representative of your locality and declare the needs of your people in the constitution….
THE PEOPLE’S FIRST AMENDMENT
We the people of the Federal Republic of Nigeria do hereby………..